It's tough to watch your parents age and lose the ability to manage their own affairs. It can be even tougher to step in and help them out - especially when it comes to money.

For adult children of aging parents, few situations can be as tricky and emotionally fraught. The reversal of roles is so stark that even discussing it raises a tangle of difficulty and emotional issues involving independence, pride and privacy.

Kids can come off as controlling and bullying. Parents can end up feeling vulnerable, defensive and even suspicious. (Are you asking about my money so you can make sure that you get more of it when I die?) People in both the financial planning and geriatric fields say that these conversations can be particularly difficult for today's elderly - those from the World War II era.

Many parents, particularly the generation that's getting old now, are very private about their finances. Lots of times they never shared with their kids what they even have so it's not only a loss of control issue, it's a loss of privacy issue, which is really huge.

At the same time, the younger generation frequently cannot bear to face the prospect of their parent's decline. Many times the adult child doesn't want to acknowledge it. The biggest mistake families make is simply waiting too long.

Conversations typically start when you have just taken your mom to the hospital and you're dealing with a medical crisis. What ensues is often a mad scrapple to locate everything from insurance policies to bank statements to phone bills (and other bills) or worse.

If a stroke or other emergency leaves a parent incapacitated, the kids can find themselves in court trying to get their loved ones declared incompetent - the only way to get authority to take over finances without the parent's personal consent. Such a process can be lengthy, expensive and emotionally wrenching.